i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
