what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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