Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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