HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
