At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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