i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
