if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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