..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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