Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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