Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
