he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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