if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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