It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
