On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
