he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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