I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
