Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
