i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
