you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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