Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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