Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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