Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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