I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
