How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize