i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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