So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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