I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
