I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
