i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
