Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
