Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
