i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
