there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize