I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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