were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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