at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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