And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
