Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize