I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
