I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
why is half of my head shaved?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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