I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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