I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
