no, he came in my armpit
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize