Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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