what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
