So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
