youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
