This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
