I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
