I am in a vortex of obligation.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
