You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
