Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
someone owes me an orgasm
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
