Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
