i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
