I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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