which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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