I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
