The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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