If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
