Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
