At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
