thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
