Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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