Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
