Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
