Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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