Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
