I think im going to throw up on grandma
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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