I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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