so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
