I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
