She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
