That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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