I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
