So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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