Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
