I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
