a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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