Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
