So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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