Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
