I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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