I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
