I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
