did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
