dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
