I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
