so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
