Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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