I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
