dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
