just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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