WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
