I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
