Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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