Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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