I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
