Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
