also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
