Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
