i barfeds in our rink
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
