Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize