I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
